Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
