He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
