I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
