You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
