I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
