3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
