He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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