he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Your penis caused this!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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