I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
