btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
