i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
a search helicopter?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
