Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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