don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
