Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
