Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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