my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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