Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize