if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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