I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
