You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize