I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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