I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
