yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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