Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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