You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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