i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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