Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
