She's JV to your varsity
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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