You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
