Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
