i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize