There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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