i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Welp...herpes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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