ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
