so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize