Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize