U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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