she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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