how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
