he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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