you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
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