i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
