I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
honey bunches of taint.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
