: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
