All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
