Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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