i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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