If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
