Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
