Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
