I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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