i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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