All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
