Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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