What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
