You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish i was in the wii world.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
