I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
