its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
