And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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