You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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