Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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