So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize