remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize