What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
