There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
