WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
