so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize