You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize