Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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