TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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