I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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