I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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