If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
