You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
