Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
pray to the hookup gods
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