Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
